I grew up in a family of two older brothers, a younger sister, and my two parents all in the same household. We would have homemade food every Sunday with the family, the tradition carrying on even now that we’ve all moved out aside from my younger sister. I had never adapted the tips and tricks of cooking that my dad had, but I did pick up a thing or two. I knew how to carry a spatula or how to use the right amount of seasoning, even making some baked goods from scratch on occasion. To be fair though, some of those baked goods used premade items that I would somehow adapt into the recipe.
Meeting Isabelle for the first time was an experience to be sure. Striking me from across the room as we discussed a multitude of subjects during an orientation for our then jobs. Both writers working as tutors in an atmosphere where learning was the main goal. As our time went on in the job, we got to know each other more and more, eventually leading to the courtship that got us together.
During that time though, there was a lot to think about. Isabelle has Celiac disease and a ton of allergies to boot. The difficulties of cooking for her or going to a restaurant weighed heavily on my mind. I was afraid to kill her in all honesty. How would I be able to handle the change in diet and cooking? I hardly cooked myself at the time, though I did touch on it every now and then. Isabelle had no experience with cooking, or at least, it had been incredibly limited. Another fear leaking into me, how was I going to be able to do this? How could I cook for her without making her sick?
Despite this, I enjoyed my time with her too much to allow something like food allergies to change anything. One day, while she was working, I slid my number across the desk and told her to let me know if she wanted to see a movie with me and some friends. The friends couldn’t make it (which may or may not have been part of my master plan) and so it ended up just being us after she texted me that she wanted to go. I picked her up and that was when we started hanging out outside of our work setting.
Things seemed to be making it somewhere as we started hanging out and I decided it was time to try making something for her. Our workplace was having a potluck for all of the tutors and so I asked Isabelle for her allergies. She told me not to worry about making anything that she could eat, as it was usually too difficult for people, but I held firm. She saw that I was serious and so she gave me her list. Soy, Corn, Gluten, Shellfish, Chocolate, and Dairy. I still haven’t forgotten.
Let me tell you, the first time I went shopping for food that Isabelle could eat was a trip… I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Ingredients that seemed completely outside the realm of real food would pop up and would somehow contain gluten, corn, or soy. It never made sense, but that was that. I had to text her or look up online every ingredient I came across, but I was dedicated. Eventually, I got all of the ingredients approved and started my work on an apple cobbler. When I brought it to the potluck, everyone was surprised at my extended effort, especially Isabelle. She tried the cobbler and thought it was amazing. Other people tried it and couldn’t believe that it was considered gluten free or allergy friendly. I made the whole thing from scratch and the recipe has been improved upon since that first time. It’s become a staple that we make whenever we have special guests over or for any holiday.
That was the night, I think, that we both knew this was leading to something. I took her home, only to see her again the following week before her trip to visit family for a month or so. When she came back, I immediately asked her out on a date and ever since we have been together.
Food allergies are intimidating. They really are at first. There’s a learning curve to cooking and eating out with somebody who has a lot of allergies, but it’s certainly doable. And it only gets easier. I’ve learned so much about food that I’ve even started avoiding certain foods. Do you know how much corn syrup exists in our food? It’s gross. But while I do avoid these foods, it’s not like I never get to eat them anymore. And while I’m respectful of Isabelle’s limitations (not eating bread at a restaurant if she can’t, not contaminating the places she eats, etc.), I still certainly enjoy the food I’ve always enjoyed, albeit less often. But to be honest, it forces me to eat better and has taught me how to cook at levels that I never thought I would be able to.
We’ve been through this together, every step of the way, making bigger and better food every time we pick up a pan or new recipe. Cooking has been at the root of our entire relationship and so has her food allergies. While it can be hard to say anything good about allergies, hers have brought us together. Now in a loving relationship of two years, we still get excited about our next big dish.
Allergies can be hard. But they can be easier together.